Monday, May 24, 2010

Carnival ride

Some days, I feel like I'm on a carnival ride. In my heart, I know everything will be ok, but my mind wants to tell me otherwise. So much up in the air right now. Most of this is me trying to make sure I see all my options. I just needed to think it out, & putting it to a page is a great way to do that.

Corporate offered the employees a severance package. It's a sweet deal, so about half the people in our department decided it's time to retire. I don't blame them, but I sure will miss them. I'll really miss my supervisor. He & I have become good friends. Anyway, with everyone leaving, Corporate is looking at where they can keep cutting costs. We've all known for a few years that we are on limited time. It's bcoming more obvious now, though.

If I lose my job, what will I do. It's not so much the money. I'll miss the paycheck, but that's not the main reason I go to work. I just can't do nothing. I might be able to land another contract, but the software is expensive. The equipment is more expensive. Getting set up with what I have, it would still cost about $25,000 to be able to do what I am doing now. I might be able to get some of the equipment I use at work for cheap, since no one else is willing to learn to use it, & if they dump me, they are most likely closing the office.

If I get the equipment, what do I do with it? The printer & scanner are huge. I could manage to make room for one, or maybe both. Catch is, the layout of our house wouldn't allow me to get the stuff in the spare room. I might be able to set the equipment up at Mom's, but I don't want to take up her house with the equipment. I couldn't work out of her house, anyway. I have enough trouble telling her I can't visit because I need to be working. I couldn't tell her to avoid part of her own house. There are other options, though...

The boss is expecting to be told to move to Tulsa, or take a severance deal. He said he wouldn't move, & that he's always wanted to open a restaurant. We talked a couple of years ago about the idea. He had asked if I would consider opening a catering service. I told him I'd be willing to work as a catering coordinator, but wouldn't own the business. We kicked some ideas around. I told him that since he is a train buff, he should do one with a railroad theme. I know I'd like it. I suggested that he use all sorts of train stuff to decorate, including tickets & schedules embedded into the tables. Maybe even have a train going around the room on a track close to the ceiling. I've heard of places doing that. Sounds like fun.

Mom offered to hire me to help her, but I'm not sure how that would fly. I need to feel self-sufficient. Being Mom's assistant wouldn't feel like being independent. Nothing against her, but i need something where I have time to myself & she has never understood that. She says she does, but she doesn't really get it.

I have a ton of things to do around the house, so I could feasibly retire & just finish a bunch of stuff I've started over the years. Last time I went any length of time without a job, I got in a little bit of a slump. Seems I need a purpose. Being a wife & Grandma is a pretty good purpose, but it just isn't the same. I also have a ton of stuff I'd like to do at church. Would be nice to do stuff with the kids, without feeling tired. Finances would be the main set back. We're doing fine in the finances, but my check pays for a bunch of stuff for the church kids, & my play money.

There is also the great unknown. When I got this job 10 1/2 years ago, I never thought about working in utilities. God gave me this job. I've worked with some of the best people anywhere, learned so much, & had a blast doing it. If this one tanks, God has something bigger & better waiting for me. I can't imagine what it would be, but the job I have now is beyond anything I could have imagined back then.